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Feeling…….empty! A reverts Ramadan.

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And no, not because I am fasting. Unfortunately (no that’s not the right word!) as it happens I am expecting a baby later this year inshAllah and my ever expanding stomach does not react well to being empty! Probably as a sign of things to come (my unborn child needs a steady supply of burgers and fries it seems) I am experiencing terrible sickness if I feel even the slightest bit hungry, and have come close to fainting at random times over the last 5 months. So, this said, I made the decision not to attempt fasting this year and to focus more on getting a sound spiritual experience instead through other means.

But, am I getting the full experience? I think not. I never thought I would say I felt envious of those who are able to fast but I do. My husband fasts regularly anyway and isn’t really into going all out for a month of religious learning (he likes to keep things simple and practice his religion quietly) so I am left at a bit of a loose end.

This got me thinking – how much are we affected by the piousness of those around us? I have set myself a target of a few things I would like to achieve this month – memorize five sura’s and numerous supplications that I haven’t completed yet, work on two articles on Islamic A-Z basics for new Muslims, re-read the stories of the prophets of Islam, attend Taraweeh – being the primary ones. But given that I can’t experience the joy of Ramadan in full and that my family are all working from 5pm daily, how much self motivation do I need to have?

I have never classed myself as someone who “needs” to have a lot of friends in order to feel inspired, but at times like this I do. Alhamdulilah I have some very supportive sisters who are feeding me a wealth of knowledge and tips to keep me inspired. But if I am honest it wasn’t always like this. As I have posted in my revert story, in the beginning I didn’t
know any supportive Muslims and I found many to be unapproachable. With perseverance things have changed, but it does take time and strength to get to this stage – something which I feel many people still don’t understand.

To all the new Muslims out there, if you do break your fast early, or you feel emotionally drained, or you feel that the whole experience is just too much, just remember – its not the end of the world. The most important thing is that you keep trying. You may get the feeling of fear that because of one slip up you’re doomed forever (which believe me, some people will try to make you think!) but this simply isn’t the case. Talk to those around you, watch inspirational videos, approach your local mosque – basically just do whatever it takes to feel motivated again. MashAllah I am envious if you are a new Muslim who has managed to get into the swing of things with regard to recitation, dhikr, fasting etc – but if you haven’t it does not make you a failure.

InshAllah those who are alone or are experiencing the holy month for the first time remain strong in their faith. Sometimes being a revert can be the loneliest experience. As more experienced reverts or born Muslims, I hope that we all take the time to congratulate and support anyone who may be struggling in their faith, even if all they can manage is a simple sura or a day of fasting. Ramadan Kareem.

As always, please contact me for anything through the below contact form:

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Author: noorlaila265

Hospitality trainer, wife, mother, multi-faith, reader, writer, food fanatic, lover of poetry. โ€œStudy me as much as you like, you will not know me, for I differ in a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.โ€

3 thoughts on “Feeling…….empty! A reverts Ramadan.

  1. Ramadhan kareem to you too! You found online support and that another good thing. I am not fasting because I am also expecting but I can’t say I experience the left out feeling as much as you do since I have been fasting since a young age but I do feel weird as it is the first ramadhan I am going to miss since I was 6. The hubby also fasts like maybe 9 out of 12 months and I admire his discipline. Now, you and I have to plan to repay the fast we owe after these babies are born insha’Allah! ๐Ÿ˜› The unapproachable sisters…I have been there. I don’t sweat it anymore, I just go with the flow. I have very few Muslim friends ;). I am learning how to read Quran these days and hopefully that will keep me busy during this holy month. I will try to learn more Surahs like you masha’Allah. Take care and much love! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • wow congrats on the baby! When are you expecting? Is it your first? I am due at the end of October and praying for an uncomplicated delivery inshAllah!

      • Thank you and congrats to you as well :). I am due late September beginning October ๐Ÿ˜› masha’Allah. Yup, very first alhamdulilah. Amiin, Insha’Allah we will have a quick and easy delivery ;).

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